Penny Blood's Black Book » Caffs

Cafe Picasso

Penny Blood — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:53:43 +0000

A Chelsea institution and a perfect place for celebrity spotting. Every walk of life comes here from supermodels to actors to tourists, to rich locals and down and outs. It’s a pretty standard London cafe, a bit dowdy but charming as it hasn’t changed since the sixties with the usual stodgy caff food. A few years back whilst doing an internship at Storm Model agency up the road I used to frequent Café Picasso to get soggy chips for one of the bookers who I downright couldn’t stand and therefore resented this job above all else. Model bookers are generally VILE BEASTS who I would gladly knock off the face of the earth with the long arm of the lords mighty wrath. I would love to be one though. Likely as not you will see Bob Geldoff here too, he was always a bit of a fixture as I used to work next door at (I’m embarrassed to say) Prime Time Video (which in my defense was cool in those days) and I don’t think a day passed when I didn’t see him there. His wife’s a bitch by the way. And he never returns his videos on time.

http://www.dinos-restaurants.co.uk/picasso.htm

127 King’s Road, Chelsea, London
020 7352 4921
Monday – Saturday 8am-11pm Sunday 8.30am-11pm

Cafe Diana

Penny Blood — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 16:45:55 +0000

This place is ridiculous but it’s been here forever which shows it’s not a gimmick, they’re serious. Every inch of the wall space is adorned with framed picture after framed picture of Princess Diana. For no obvious reason the proprietors of Cafe Diana are such huge fans of HRH as to dedicate their business to her. Aside from that it’s pretty much like any other caff with nice wooden booths and the usual caff food. It’s quite pricey though which I begrudge as a caff is still a caff but it’s strange shrine like adoration to Diana particularly when she was going through her ‘I want to appeal to the pee..pul leggings and oversized denim shirt phase’ give it the edge.

5 Wellington Terrace, London, W2 4LW
020 7792 9606

http://www.cafediana.com

Paul Rothe & Son

Penny Blood — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:52:49 +0000

“Do you want that on a baguette or Ukrainian rye bread?”
“Why rye today I think”
“And how do you like your coffee?”
“Black as a moonless night”
“That’s pretty black”
With walls lined with a collection of honey’s, marmalades and chutney’s as well as various novelty gifts this really is a small village shop from a long gone age. The Formica tables give it a hint of what you would find in a classic greasy spoon and demonstrates the owners care and attention to preserving it’s authenticity as this little deli cum caff has been in the family for generations dating back to 1900, with the most recent Paul Roethe cooking some of the dishes himself. There are countless places to pick up a sandwich on Marylebone high street but why go anywhere else when here you can get Austrian Liptauer made with cream cheese, herbs, anchovy paste, paprika and capers or Kummelkase, a blend of stilton, caraway and cream cheese on bagels, ciabattas, bloomer bread or Ukrainian rye? Or if nothing else as someone else said, it’s a good spot for a cup of tea and a think.

35 Marylebone Lane, Marylebone, W1U 2NN
020 7935 6783
Monday – Friday 8am-6pm Saturday 11.30am-5.30pm

Farina Cafe

Penny Blood — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:30:43 +0000

I remember a time when you ordered a coffee you knew what you would be getting and that was, by default filter coffee with a splash of cold milk. After a brief spell living in America the land of a thousand options I was looking forward to return home to be able to order and get, without too much head trauma a simple coffee. But no. How things have changed. Now when I order a coffee it goes something like this;
“Just a coffee please”
“White?”
“Yes please”
(coffee arrives)
“Ah no sorry not a latte, just a coffee”
“You said a white coffee”
“Yes sorry I wanted just a bit of cold milk”
(new coffee arrives)
“Sorry this is the same, I just want a normal coffee with a bit of milk not a latte”
(turned out they had made a latte and added a bit of cold milk)
“OK can I have a filter coffee with milk on the side?”
(They bring a mug half full of very strong coffee with a large jug of cold milk)
And so it goes….
Farina is run by Italians, it looks and feels like a set from the Soprano’s. I come here all the time, they still can’t get my coffee right though.

61 Leather Lane, London, EC1N 7TJ
020 7405 4420
Monday – Friday 7am-3pm

John’s Sandwich Bar

Penny Blood — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:30:13 +0000

When I order a cup of tea the words “what tea do you want? We have Camomile, Peppermint…” fill me with utter dread totally alienating me from the creature in front of me. I hold them in the same regard as people who don’t drink tea or coffee because they don’t like it. The English caff is where you will never have this problem. They only serve one kind of tea. The kind that has been stewing for hours, they fill the mug up half way with the over stewed tea and then top it up with boiling water. It’s an unbeatable formula and when you order one sugar they know you really mean three. So long as you’re not squeamish about kitchen cleanliness then a fry-up is always a great option at any established caff, greasy bacon and eggs with toast generously spread with genuine margarine and orange juice that comes in a milk bottle, the perfect way to start the day assuming you have a strong stomach. However John’s Sandwich bar is just that bit better (actually alot better) than your average caff as the coffee is great and they’ll do it it just as you like at and it’s clean and freindly (which is not usually guaranteed) and the old yellowing pictures of formula one on the walls make it utterly charming.

Jacks Café

Penny Blood — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:29:28 +0000

You can get pregnant just walking through Queens Park there are so many stay at home mums and children, everywhere crawling on every surface. Children should be kept out of sight but oh well hell is other people, like Sebastien Horsely says “People should only take offense at people who are genuinely offensive – like terrorists and pregnant women”. Jacks café is one of rare respite from the infestation. Perhaps more of a café than a caff (they make a soy latte), the classic British caff menu and little square tables make it somewhat eligible. It’s been around since 1902 and they serve free refills of tea and coffee which is practically unheard of in this country. It’s cosy and at times I love a good fry-up. I’m sitting opposite Pete Burns not by choice. I overhear the waitress say “he looks like a corpse that a mortician has turned into a sex doll”. I’m sorry I just snorted coffee out my nose when I wrote that last sentence.

http://www.jacks-cafe.com/

101 Salusbury Road, London NW6 6NH
020 7624 8925
Monday – Friday 7am-late Saturday 8am-late Sunday 9am-late

Shepherdess

Penny Blood — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:28:50 +0000

English caffs are the focal point of any builder’s day and the Shepherdess can certainly vouch for that as on every occasion I’ve been here builders make up 95% of the clientele. It’s a get what you’re given situation and when asked if I want strawberry jam, marmalade, marmite or honey and I ask for one of each the look on the waitresses face makes me promptly add that marmalade will do just fine. The staff are evidently not here to cater to your need for a full and enjoyable experience but merely to help you feed your hunger and get out to make way for the next surge of builders on their 3rd break before lunch. Authentically and somewhat distastefully decorated, with a gaudy and bright interior and exterior, the Shepherdess has been here forever therefore giving it full due to be included in my top 10.

221 City Road, London, EC1V 1JN
020 72532463
Monday – Friday 6.30am-4pm Saturday 7am-3pm

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S & M Cafe

Penny Blood — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:57:00 +0000

Don’t start, I know this isn’t an authentic caff but it’s going for the look of an authentic caff, so it qualifies for my ‘caff’ section. The food here isn’t great value for money, its expensive for what you get, I come here for the novelty of the place, I love the way it looks (that’s why they can get away with over charging). It’s worth it if all you want is a cup of tea or coffee (this at least gives it some authenticity) but I wouldn’t expect much from the food, it’s tasty but overpriced. I love the faux retro interior with chequered board tablecloths and framed vinyl album covers on the wall and if you want Sausage and Mash (hence the name S&M) then it’s pretty good, its always busy so maybe I’m just too fussy.

http://www.sandmcafe.co.uk/

268 Portobello Road, London, W10 5TY
020 8968 8898
Monday 11am–4pm Tuesday – Friday 11am-10pm Saturday 9am–11pm

River Cafe

Penny Blood — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:57:00 +0000

The best thing about workman’s caffs in Britain is that they truly are full of workmen. River Cafe is authentic as they come. Being in Putney it’s not remotely trendy which it would be if it was in Shoreditch. It’s pretty much just workmen and people getting a sandwich to go. It hasn’t changed since it opened and has all the required regalia of any leading London caff including formica tables, decorative tiled walls, glass Tiffany style ceiling lamps, laminate flooring, posters of the proprietors football team of choice, faux wood walls, gaudy paintings of European coastlines and most importantly the 50p cup of tea.

1A Station Approach, London, SW6 3UH
020 7736 6296
Monday – Friday 12.30pm-2.30pm and 7pm-9.30pm Saturday 12.30pm-2.30pm and 7pm-9.30pm

E Pellicci

Penny Blood — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:52:00 +0000

E Pellicci’s is the ‘Savoy’ of caffs. It’s where notorious London gangsters the Kray brothers used to call their local as they grew up right around the corner on Vallance road back in the 60’s. It’s a tiny little art deco place barely visible, situated halfway up the hellhole that is Bethnal Green Road. It’s invariably heaving with genuine locals and students having breakfast after a late night out. Its London’s longest standing caff run by the same family since the 1920’s and its my favourite because it combines the best aspects of the classic caff (cheap cups of tea and formica tables) with the class of Paul Roethe & Son (Victorian portraits of the original owners and the original 20’s cash register), thus still keeping its authentic charm.

332 Bethnal Green Road, London, E2 0AG
020 7739 4873
Monday – Saturday 6.15am-5pm