Approaching LMNT it looks like your usual skanky Dalston pub, the kind with windows along the top which reminds me of a public toilet. However on closer inspection I begin to realise this is not your standard pub. In fact I realise it’s NOT a pub at all. The sphinxes adorning the exterior are the first clue. Going inside I feel like I’m at the heart of Universal Studios rather than Hackney. I’m not sure if they are going for Ancient Rome, Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, there’s no need to decide. I love the fact that the designer obviously saw the Georgian fireplace and thought “that would be better turned into a giant gold leaf and rhinestone encrusted sphinx, not to worry that it protrudes half way into the restaurant”. Then he thought “that really works lets put another one over there, and over there we’ll put a giant Roman head and for good measure we’ll thrown in a mural of a French chateau. Then we’ll put the tables 6ft off the ground like treehouses and in case that’s not interesting enough we’ll decorate the bathrooms with paintings of phalluses and devils having sex.”
Now that’s just the beginning. The waiting staff are equally entertaining. Our waiter takes moody to a whole new level. After serving our drinks he gives us a lecture on why we must order our starters and mains together (otherwise the kitchen gets confused) and why he must clear away all the surplus eating utensils as “they just end up on the floor, all the menus get stolen and the glasses(?) get set on fire”*, as “it’s all money you know”. While all this is going on we have the entire ET soundtrack playing in the background (even the parts no one knows).
I wouldn’t come here for the food – it’s too fussy but it’s really cheap and they really do try and the cosy atmosphere with the open fireplace, bizarre decoration, entertaining service and charming bathroom art make it one of my favourite cheap restaurants in London.
316 Queensbridge Road, London, E8 3NH
020 7249 6727
Monday – Saturday 12pm-11pm Sunday 12-10.30pm
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