LMNT

I think I would have to say that LMNT is my favourite restaurant in London. On approach it looks like your usual skanky Dalston pub. However on closer inspection I begin to realise this is not your standard pub. In fact I realise it’s NOT a pub at all. The sphinxes adorning the exterior are the first clue. Going inside I feel like I’m at the heart of Universal Studios not Dalston. I’m not sure if the look they are going for is Ancient Rome, Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt, there’s no need to decide. I love the fact that the designer obviously saw the Georgian fireplace and thought “that would be better turned into a giant gold leaf and rhinestone encrusted sphinx, not to worry that it protrudes halfway into the restaurant”. Then he thought “that really works lets put another one over there, and over there we’ll put a giant Roman head and for good measure we’ll throw in a mural of a French chateau. Then we’ll put the tables 6ft off the ground like treehouses and in case that’s not interesting enough we’ll decorate the bathrooms like the Stufetta del Bibbiena complete with paintings of phalluses and devils having sex.”

Now that’s just the beginning. The waiting staff are equally entertaining. Our waiter takes moody to a whole new level. (until I realise he’s actually quite charming) After serving our drinks and water (Thames Water’s finest he informs us) he gives us a lecture on why we must order our starters and mains together (otherwise the kitchen gets confused) and why he must clear away all the surplus eating utensils as “they just end up on the floor, all the menus get stolen and the glasses(?) get set on fire”, as “it’s all money you know”. While all this is going on we have the entire ET soundtrack playing in the background (even the parts no one knows) and on asking if we can add the tip onto a card payment he replies “it’s your money”. Amazing.

The food is also great, delicious in fact – the presentation equals the rest of the restaurant in terms of care and attention and it’s really inexpensive too. The cosy atmosphere, with open fireplaces, bizarre decoration, entertaining service and charming bathroom art are the reason it’s my favourite restaurant in London.